Bite Me: A Love Story Chapter 25

25. Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal, Failed Nosferatu, brokenhearted Day Dweller, and Deposed Backup Mistress of the Greater Bay Area vestigeMy heady powers of the night are gone, my manga-haired love monkey with a approximately fly ride is gone, even my tail is gone-worst of all, the Countess is gone. We watched her sail dour undecomposed before dawn, the Rastafarian imbecile piloting the down bring appear prehistoric Alcatraz as we stood there on the dock. hence(prenominal) Rivera and Cavuto came blazing up in their shit-brown collar-mobile and jumped out of the car, all We have wholly watched a number of cop shows and immediately k nowadays how to look urgent.And Cavuto is all, Dont even move, missy. And hes holding a topnotch Soaker again. This time, a yellowish one.And Rivera is all creeping up the otherwise side of the dock, as if we dont see him, even though the dock is exclusively like fifteen feet wide and theres no cover and its almost dawn.And Tommys li ke, You guys, I should probably explain.But before he can say anything else, I jump up and Im all, Rawr, at them, coming down with total daimon claw hands and scary face.And they fire up their sun jackets and all in all open up on Tommy and me with the Super Soakers, until we are wet and laugh so hard that were falling down on each other. And Marvin jumps out of the car window and runs over to us all cut throughgie whaaaa? face, because he doesnt see a lot of laughing in the cadaver dog business.And Rivera looks at Cavuto, indeed turns off his sun jacket, and Cavuto turns off his, then holds his fountain gun like its salutary turned into a giant yellow turd. And hes all, Well, make do.And Im all, Oh ass bear, you make me wet, which totally made us giggle several(prenominal) more, and Marvin ran over and started licking my face, which made me laugh even more, until finally Rivera pulled out his handcuffs and we stopped laughing.So we explained about the old vamps being at res t(predicate) and how they had gotten rid of all the kitty vamps and Chet, and how everyone else had been changed back like us, and it was all equitable so they just needed to chill the fuck out.And Riveras all, What about the dingy ship?And were like, It was owned by this eccentric bazil-lionaire, and the vamps had taken it over, but now that they were dead he was going home.And Rivera was all, But the Emperor verbalize-And Im all, Bitch, please. The Emperor of San Francisco, withstander of Alcatraz, Sausalito, and Treasure Island, you mean? Snarking hard.And Rivera is all, Okay, good point.And then the Animals all pull up in two cars, and they jump out all loaded up with squirt guns and garden sprayers, and the Emperor and his dogs jump out, and they are all sterilise to kick ass, when Rivera stopped them and splained and they went off to constrict high and the Emperor walked off down the waterfront, watching the Raven sail out to the Golden admission.Kayso, now the sun is u p and Rivera and Cavuto realize that we are totally not vamps, so they take Marvin and climb in their shit-brown mobile and drive off.So Tommy and I are just standing there, at the edge of the dock, and we can just barely see the Raven out by the Golden Gate Bridge, her sails up now, all silver in the sun.And Im like, We should probably go get that money the Countess hid on the roof. Its like three hundred thousand dollars. The Countess told us where it was before she left. She said she wouldnt need it.And hes like, Yeah. It might be a smaller harder to get up there now that we dont have super powers.And Im like, She said theres a fire escape most of the way.And hes all, Kay. And hes just staring at the ship.So Im like, So I know youre not nosferatu anymore, but I could still be your minion, if you needed one.And hes like, Im kind of broken-hearted over here.And Im like, Me, too.And hes all, Besides, I presuppose youve sort of advanced beyond the level of minion.So Im like, I coul d be your girlfriend.And hes all, I thought you loved Foo.And Im like, I kind of do.So then hes like, I thought you loved Jody.And Im all, I do. Im polyamorous.And hes like, Now you want to fuck parrots?And I was about to go off on him, but I saw he was grinning, so I just elbowed him in the ribs, like, you dick, as we watched the ship disappear into the fog outside the bridge.And hes like, When do you think the Raven will be back?And I go, all scary voice, Nevermore.Then he looks at me, with a huge smile, and he takes my hand. And I totally wanted to flatter him, with plenty of despair and tongue and whatnot. But then I would have had to slap him, so he didnt think that I was a slut, since Id only been dumped like hours before. But then I thought, he might slap me for the same reason, so instead of a kiss I decided to do a small celebratory plunder dance of forbidden passion, which made him grin like a big doof.So we sort of stood there, holding hands, looking at where the ship utilise to be, realizing that the future was fucking ginormously huge. Like the abyss, only, you know, with better lighting.And Im all, So what now, cornflakes?Then hes all, I think Ill write a book.